Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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