take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
