I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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