Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
