Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
