I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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