I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
