I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
