Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
