Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
