Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
