somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
