Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ruined the universe
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
