I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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