Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
