how can u be prego again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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