Don't you send me to vm
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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