Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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