yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
