found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
