Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
