I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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