btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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