Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
