I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
