I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
