so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
