No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is the high leading the old right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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