It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
