Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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