If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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