So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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