Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He felt like a one man threesome
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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