New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She bit a glass in half.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My feet surprised me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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