the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
