ADVERTISEMENT

• (228): View more from Mississippi

  two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.

  Fav 26 1053 4053

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes

  Fav 6 1106 3880

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.

  Fav 56 6077 1631

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

  Fav 52 4703 1038

  share tweet
  

• (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Fav 23 10786 1454

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

  Fav 17 4772 1296

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

  Fav 4 4205 2017

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups

  Fav 5 2276 858

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.

  Fav 0 660 1196

  share tweet
  

• (563): View more from Iowa

  I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.

  Fav 1 480 284

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  I want to bone him until his eyes fall out

  Fav 2 443 178

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!

  Fav 2 280 169

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked

  Fav 0 148 197

  share tweet
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?

  Fav 5 47 43

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (239): View more from Florida

  It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!

  Fav 0 58 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize