when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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