Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
sex in a hospital.. check
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
