I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
