don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
