No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
