Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
