How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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