I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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