why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
