Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
