At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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