Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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