yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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