I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
