Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize