I want to stick my p in your. b.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
