Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
