She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
