I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
