Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
