one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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