I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
