So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize