I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize