He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
