I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
