p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
