I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
