fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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